Maybe 10 – 12 years ago I was installing a new ceiling in my family room one morning. I had decided to use barn siding; tongue-and-groove pine boards. I was making good progress and enjoying a beer or two, or perhaps three. “Beer in the morning?” you might ask. Well, why not? ‘What’s the problem of having a beer before noon, if you are NOT an alcoholic’ was my thought process at the time. It was all going well when I received a phone call. And of course I was up on the ladder when the phone rang.
“Well crap,” I thought to myself. “Do I climb down and answer it, or continue working and ignore it? I asked myself – before deciding to answer the damn thing anyway. And besides I was getting down to “Min Beer” anyway. (This is a state where your beer has only about an inch or so left in the can.) So, down I climbed…
“Good morning Sir,” came the cheerful voice on the phone when I answered, “this is LaQuisha from AT&T.”
“Oh crap!” I thought to myself. “I climbed down for this?” And then she launched into her sales pitch, offering me a “great deal” to switch phone service.
I listened politely for a minute or two as I reloaded my beer, then it was my turn to speak.
“Do you know how much pressure you folks put on hard-working people like me?” I asked. I reckon she was somewhat dumb-founded, for there was nothing but silence on the other end. So, I continued.
“I only make so much money, and I work hard for it. I try to do the best for my family, but sometimes I just don’t know what the best thing to do is. There’s a lot of pressure – deciding which phone service to go with these days. You folks offer one deal, MCI offers another and Sprint has their own savings plan – and I don’t know what to do.” I think at this point she was stunned.
“I just don’t know how much more pressure I can stand these days, on top of everything else! My son is on drugs, my daughter is pregnant and my wife is leaving me for my best friend – and I am going to miss him.” I paused; silence. So, on I went.
“I try to do the ‘right thing, I am a good man – but I just don’t know how much more of this I can take. Matter of fact, I think I am my limit now!” And I headed for my 9mm pistol.
Walking out back I told her, “I just don’t think I can go on anymore, it’s too much. I’ve had it!” Silence. “You know LaQuisha, it’s just not worth it anymore,” and I fired the weapon into the dirt, and dropped the phone on the wooden porch out back. Clunk – busy tone.
Then I thought, “What if she calls 911?”
“Oh shit!” and I headed back inside to clean the weapon and my hands of gunshot residue. I’ve watched a lot of cop shows, you know… Insanity? Oh hell no – I cleaned my 9mm all the time at 11 in the morning while half “in the bag!” Doesn’t everyone?
Nothing ever came of it and I have never heard anything more of LaQuisha. She never has called back, nor has AT&T… I just hope she isn’t sitting in a darkened room somewhere, in a bathrobe, still trying to recover herself…