Armando!

As so often at the airlines, after level-off on the first leg, we – the guys up front – would begin to get to know each other.  Usually things like; Where are you from?  Where do you live?  What did you do before coming to Northwest? …and so forth.

I launched out on a 4-day trip this one day with a guy named Dave.  As we began exchanging information, he asked if I was married.  I had just gotten divorced, and told him so.  He then asked how long I had been married, and I told him 28 years.  That seemed to ‘rattle’ him a bit, but I said nothing more.

The next day, after we got to cruise, out of the ‘blue,’ he said, “28 years, that was a long time.”

“Yep,” I replied, and left it at that.

“I can’t imagine being married 28 years, then walking away,” he lamented.  And again, I just let it drop…

The next day (Day 3), again after we leveled off, he said – and again, out of the blue – “I would have thought that after 28 years of marriage anyone would be in it for the long haul!”  So, I saw an opening, and walked through.

“Well you know Dave,” I began, “it’s a small community in our Detroit pilot group, and I’m sure it’s going to ‘come out’ soon enough.

My wife and I had been having troubles for years.  A couple-3 years ago we decided to take separate vacations – to see if that would make a difference.  She went to Europe, and I went to Costa Rica.  When I met ‘Armando’ I knew I finally had to tell her everything…”  Dave just about shit!  By his body language, I knew he wanted to climb out of that right side window – only we were at 35,000 feet.  So, I decided to really lay it on…

“When I got home I told my wife about Armando, and soon we were divorced.  After the divorce I was able to secure a working visa for Armando, to work as my houseboy, and things couldn’t be better.”  Dave’s eyes were wide open now!

“You know,” I continued, ” things could not have worked out any better.  We share a lot of the same interests – the arts, cooking, gardening and so forth.  And I never knew this, Armando loves to iron.  Look at the creases in my shirt here, aren’t they nice and crisp?”  Now Dave’s mouth dropped!  (For those of you who have seen the movie, “Birdcage,” I modeled my character here after the Central American houseboy ‘Agador,’ played by Hank Azaria.)  By now Dave was about to go into cardiac arrest!

After a half hour or so, Dave asked, “So, are you dating anyone?”  He just couldn’t let it go…

“No,” I replied, “Armando just gets so pissy when I date.”  And I thought that was going to send Dave over the edge… That was the last we talked about it as when we got to Atlanta that day, the aircraft was damaged, and Crew Skeds cancelled the remainder of our trip.

Did I “sort it out” with Dave before we parted?  Oh, Hell no!  LOL!

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