A few years ago I had the opportunity to attend a ‘lifestyle workshop.’ One of the exercises was to take a facet of out lives – one that continues to trouble us – and write about it.
We were given about an hour to complete the assignment. Then we were paired up and had to take turns reading what we had written to our respective partners. When we each had to share, we had to read our sad or tragic stories again to each other. Then again…
I chose to write about “relationships;” the relationships I had been in since I began dating. One after another- and their tragic endings. I hardly made it through the first page of the first reading when it screamed “Bullshit” at me! Gawd, what a load of crap! I mean I had poured my soul into this assignment, and here it was – screaming “Bullshit” in my face! And I saw it for what it was – bullshit!
This was a “story” that I had perfected over many, many years. Then I lived it! A self-fulling prophecy, if you will, with always the same ending. When I put my story to paper, then had to look at it, even I saw it for what it was…
After the exercise it was explained to us that we have ‘choices’ in life. One of the choices we have is to either live our stories, or our lives – but not both! What a revelation for me! How many times did I share my “story” with anyone who would listen? Over, and over, and over, ad nauseum!
Ever since that exercise I have been able to “let go” of my story, and live my life. It’s my choice! Yes, there are moments when I want to slide back into it, but these are just “moments” today – not days, or weeks, or months. I catch myself today, when I find myself sliding back into my story, and I’m able to make the ‘choice’ I want for myself.
Today I am choosing to live my life – for whatever it brings me. My “story” is just too heavy to carry around anymore – too full of BS! My own BS!