It was around 0500 that I received the call from Dana telling me that my first grand daughter had arrived. Delaney Paige. I was thrilled!
I got up, shaved and took a shower. Then I put on a nice pair nice slacks, sport coat and tie. In a half-hour I was on my way.
St. Luke’s Hospital is only 7 or 8 miles away, so it didn’t take me long to get there. As I crossed the tracks just before the hospital a thought came to mind, “What if she doesn’t like me?” Where did that come from?
I know this ‘thinking’ is a byproduct of a ‘sick mind.’ I had only been in recovery for 4 years or so (from alcoholism). But nonetheless, there it was – and I was petrified. I felt as if I had hurt so many people by that time, and the last thing I wanted was, someone else “pissed off” at me. It was still very early, and I wanted a beer! It was a real struggle for me to pull into that hospital parking lot… but I did.
I got out of my car, and had to literally put one foot in front of the other to get into the hospital. I was not “comfortable” at all.
I had heard once, that ‘babies bring their own love’ when they come into the world. This is so true! When I walked into that room, that morning, and first layed my eyes on Delaney, all that “angst” released! It was gone! Just like that; gone…
I didn’t stay long that morning, maybe a half-hour or so. As I left the parking lot a feeling came over me that I had never felt before. It was magic! I had never felt “so good,” and I couldn’t grasp it. So I called a friend, also in the program of AA, described my feeling and asked him what it was all about.
“Bob,” he said, “that is ‘joy.'” I had to let that sink in for a bit – I don’t know if I had ever experienced pure joy before, and I loved it! It felt so good that when I got home, I called Dana and asked her when she was having another kid!