Babies Bring their Own Love…

It was around 0500 that I received the call from Dana telling me that my first grand daughter had arrived.  Delaney Paige.  I was thrilled!

I got up, shaved and took a shower.  Then I put on a nice pair nice slacks, sport coat and tie.  In a half-hour I was on my way.

St. Luke’s Hospital is only 7 or 8 miles away, so it didn’t take me long to get there.  As I crossed the tracks just before the hospital a thought came to mind, “What if she doesn’t like me?”  Where did that come from?

I know this ‘thinking’ is a byproduct of a ‘sick mind.’  I had only been in recovery for 4 years or so (from alcoholism).  But nonetheless, there it was – and I was petrified.  I felt as if I had hurt so many people by that time, and the last thing I wanted was, someone else “pissed off” at me.  It was still very early, and I wanted a beer!  It was a real struggle for me to pull into that hospital parking lot… but I did.

I got out of my car, and had to literally put one foot in front of the other to get into the hospital.  I was not “comfortable” at all.

I had heard once, that ‘babies bring their own love’ when they come into the world.  This is so true!  When I walked into that room, that morning, and first layed my eyes on Delaney, all that “angst” released!  It was gone!  Just like that; gone…

I didn’t stay long that morning, maybe a half-hour or so.  As I left the parking lot a feeling came over me that I had never felt before.  It was magic!  I had never felt “so good,” and I couldn’t grasp it.  So I called a friend, also in the program of AA, described my feeling and asked him what it was all about.

“Bob,” he said, “that is ‘joy.'”  I had to let that sink in for a bit – I don’t know if I had ever experienced pure joy before, and I loved it!  It felt so good that when I got home, I called Dana and asked her when she was having another kid!

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