“Take Two Tablets, Orally by Mouth”

In the Spring of 1988 I had an annoying head cold.  After a while, it got to the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  So I headed into the Flight Surgeon’s.  (I was still in the Air Force at the time.) The visit was pretty straight-forward and soon I was on my way…

When I got outside, as I crossed through the parking lot, I began reading the label.  Why?  Oh hell, I don’t know, but I do.  In essence it read: “Take two tablets every four hours, orally by mouth.”  As I let it sink it, it hit me – hard!  How else would you take them?

It was a bright sunny day, that morning.  Other than the annoying head cold, I was feeling pretty good.  And as I let this sink in, it almost brought me to my knees!

I then began to wonder, “Why did ‘they’ – whoever ‘they’ are – think ‘they’ had to put ‘orally by mouth’ on the label?”  All I could think of was some cretin shoving a couple cold tablets up his ass!  And then I just couldn’t get the image out of my mind!  I soon was bent over in laughter in the parking lot that morning…

Since I was grounded I headed back into the Clinic – to the pharmacy.  “I have a question,” I announced.  And then the fun began.  For their part, the pharmacists and techs were ‘trying’ to maintain a degree of professionalism, but I wouldn’t let up!  In a ‘deadpan’ manner I kept asking questions.  Soon I had them all laughing; and then, I was on my way…

“Take two tablets, orally by mouth…”  YGBSM!


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