A ‘Don’

So, you are driving along at the posted speed limit and all of a sudden you notice this pair of headlights in your rear view mirror.  Real close, and kinda high.  They are attached to an oversized Dodge Ram pickup, with huge tires that rumble.  You notice the truck drifting side-to-side, the driver becoming ever more impatient.     He backs off a bit, then comes charging up to your rear bumper as if to encourage you to speed it up.  Not gonna work today.

Once when he drifts back a bit you can see him ‘banging’ his steering wheel – as if that’s gonna make you speed up!  It’s then that you feel near to the ‘center of the Universe!’

Finally he decides to pass, over a double yellow line and into on coming traffic – black smoke belching from the custom stacks affixed to his Dodge Ram pickup truck.  His license tags read “AW 63″ – Anthony Wayne High School, number 63 on the football team!  About 500 feet or so you notice him pull into a Walmart parking lot – so what the hell – you pull in behind him, just to see what this ‘bozo’ is all about, and to have some fun with him.

As he climbs down out of his Dodge Ram pickup truck, the first thing you notice about him is his size.  He is (usually) about 6’4” and weighs maybe 270 pounds.  Not so much muscle as a beer gut on him now.  This is real apparent because of the ‘designer’ Fruit-of-the-Loom T-shirt he is wearing – the one he should have tossed 3 years ago.  You can clearly see the early onset of “Dick-do” disease in him.  That’s where his stomach sticks out further than his dick do… You then wonder if he is a plumber because you notice his “plumber’s crack” showing above his low-riding, slightly dirty jeans.

To complete his ensemble he is wearing a baseball cap – backwards of course.  He also has a pair of those ‘skinny’ new sunglasses that you can wear backwards also – if you want.  Under his cap you suspect his head is shaved.  His designer Fruit-of-the-Loom T-shirt is sleeveless, of course, and on his left bicep he is sporting a single of barb wire – maybe with a single drop of blood?

You get caught staring just a bit too long, and now he is coming over to you with some what of a ‘menacing look’ about him.  No need to concern yourself – just wait until he gets nearer.  When he is about 7 or 8 feet from you just say, “Hi, Don!”  You have about a 85% chance his name really is Don!  If you have ever seen one of these guys, you will understand.  More often than not he will reply, “How’d you know my name is ‘Don’?”  (It’s gotta be, that or either ‘McFly!’)

Here you reply, “Oh, I know you Dad,” and just walk off… When you drive off, glance back and he will still be standing there – with his natural, stupid look about him…

“How’d he know my name is Don?”

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