Sprint Wireless

Sprint, Verizon, AT&T, what-ever – I don’t know if it makes a difference anymore or not.  From my perspective, they all suck!  Of course, living in the woods probably doesn’t help either; but, oh well…

When I first went in to the Sprint store to tell them why I was looking to change service, they were all ‘giggles and grins!’  The ‘associate’ – they ain’t ‘sales representatives’ anymore, they’re ‘associates’ – loaded my zip code into his fancy computer program and then his face lit up as he reported, “Oh, no problem with coverage, Sir!  You’re good to go.”

“We’ll see,” I thought to myself, and I went ahead and changed to Sprint.

Now, do you know the difference between AIDS and Sprint Wireless service?  AIDS will eventually kill you; Sprint Wireless will just continue to make your life miserable!

For 2-3 years now it’s been one thing after another.  Dropped calls, interrupted service (albeit to their credit, only when you need to make a call), and a steady stream of “sorry” ‘associates.’  I think I’ve heard just about damn-near everyone at Sprint apologize now…

A year or so ago, they gave me a device that ties my phone into the internet, supposedly to boost the signal.  This was suppose to end all my wireless reception problems; the Sprint associate’s chubby little face beamed as he handed the device to me.

Well crap, now that damn thing doesn’t work half the time.  The other half, my phone drops calls on it’s own, without assistance!  And so a few months back I had had enough…

I was over in Perrysburg and had just finished breakfast when I decided to stop in their store.  The first think I noticed were 3 or 4 folks milling around in the showroom.  “Okay, this is going to be fun,” I thought to myself.

The first thing I did, when the ‘associate’ asked if he could help me was, I asked for a manager.  When the smiling manager showed up and introduced himself, I first asked him why Sprint would ever sell a “smart phone” to a dumb ass!  Then I had him “locked up!”

I then went on to explain all the problems I was having with my phone, and that the “magic device” that was suppose to solve all the world’s wireless problems, didn’t work.  At this time I noticed I had somewhat of a small ‘audience’ congregating in the store so I continued…

“It is so damn frustrating,” I exclaimed.  “I am dating this nice woman across town, and I don’t see too well to drive at night anymore.  So I have to leave just before dusk.”  By now I saw where I did in fact, have a captive audience.

And so, I continued.  “She is a tall, nice-looking gal, and still interested in ‘getting it on,’ as we used to say in the day – but I often have to leave before things really get interesting because I don’t see to well to drive after dark.  Then wouldn’t you know it, she introduced me to this new thing – you know,  they call it phone sex.”

That made the manager “real uncomfortable!”  I could see out of my peripheral vision that the two “associates” were glad as hell I had asked for the manager!  And now I was just hitting my stride!

“I had never thought of such a thing!  But you know, it works!  Who knew?”

The manager was now more nervous than a whore in church.  He wasn’t quite sure where I was going with this…

“The only problem with it all,” I continued, “is like last night.  When she was just about to the ‘oh, oh, oh’ part, Sprint dropped the damned call!  Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?  Has that ever happened to you Sir?”

He just stood there, red-faced and shell-shocked!  So, I slammed a ‘couple more’ in on him!

“There is no way in hell I can redial fast enough to recapture the moment,” I reported.  His eyes were becoming glassy now, as he looked at the other two ‘associates’ for help.  There was none coming.

“How would you like that, Sir?  And there is no way in Hell I am going outside to call her – to get better reception”  And at this juncture, all he could so was babble incoheriently.  And the drooling began…

When he was finally able to grasp what little bit of composure that wash’t destroyed, he asked what I wanted.  It was then I told hint hat I wanted out of the remainder of my contract, and he was all too happy to accommodate me!

When I walked out of his store, around 10:30 or so, I had to chuckle to myself – I bet he NEVER thought his day would begin like that!

I am now with Verizon – and their service had better work!  I am refining my approach!

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One Response to Sprint Wireless

  1. John says:

    Hi Bob:

    I’m the Verizon Associate Manager. Hope everything is working well. We like to pump info over the waves, so to speak.

    So, umhhh, ah, what did you say that good looking lady’s number was?

    just thinking ahead, in case there is an issue.

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