Feeling the Love…

As a Father I wasn’t ‘always there’ for the kids.  No excuses, my choices – at the time. However, ‘alcoholism’ – probably an explanation.

I always wanted to be a Father; to show my Dad that you didn’t have to beat the shit out of your kids to be a ‘good father.’  But as the years passed, I shied away from the kids.  I could see that I was becoming more and more like my dad – an alcoholic himself.  And I was afraid.  I was afraid that the ‘anger’ I carried would manifest itself like Dear Ole Dad’s with me – the beatings.  And I detested that… So, I isolated.

In sobriety I’m ‘connecting.’  I’m ‘re-connecting’ with my kids, and ‘connecting’ with my grandkids.  It’s a slow process, but I’m getting there.  And I am enjoying it so much.

One of the ways I am sensing this ‘connection’ is through sanding.  Yes, sanding – sanding the canoe I am building for Noah, and the sanding of projects for the other kids…

I have always allowed my ‘feelings’ to creep out while I am woodworking.  I suppose it’s “safe” as I am often alone with my thoughts out in the shop.  You just don’t find a lot of volunteers when it comes to sanding…










Yesterday as I was sanding the canoe I thought of the “labor of love” I was engaged in – for it truly is a labor of love.  And now, I can’t wait to sit him in the canoe and teach him how to operate it.

I heading back out there soon, to continue sanding – and to spend a little more time with Noah.

(One thing I have wondered about though is why my grandfather never built a “chick-magnet” for me?)


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