Why isn’t ‘good enough’ sometimes, just good enough? I just saw where ‘they’ are ‘super sizing’ Barbie. Well swell…
And while they are at it, why don’t they create another male figure we see often of these days – the “Barbie Don” doll.
(The name ‘Don’ is purely a figment of my imagination used for this post; it is not meant to insult or offend anyone. Had I wanted to do this, I would have used a name like ‘George!’ LOL!)
I see many ‘Barbie Dons’ out there these days, and they all seem to be the same. Physically they are all over 6 feet tall, and somewhat overweight; often approaching 300 pounds (and sometimes, from the underside.)
They tend to be ‘snappy dressers.’ The first thing that you notice here is, their hats are on backwards. Next are their sleeveless t-shirts. This is an important aspect of their ensemble, necessary to reveal the intimidating barbed wire tattoos they typically have on their arms. Some may be sporting ‘blocks’ of ink on their upper arms to hide the names of ex-wives or former girlfriends. The number of blocks gives you an instant appreciation for the number of “serious” relationships they have been in.
Moving on down, you can see those fashionable 3/4-length jeans. Hard to see their belts as their bellies tend to exhibit the early onset of “dick-do” disease. (This is where their stomachs stick out further than their dicks do.)
Topping off their snappy outfits are their combat boots, purchased online from some “Soldier Wannabe” outfit. This is often the closest any ‘Barbie Don’ will ever come to actually serving anyone, but himself.
The next thing you might notice about any ‘Barbie Don’ that you encounter is his vehicle – a late-model RAM (or similar) pickup, with oversized tires. Big Barbie will have no problem at all getting into that beauty! If at this point you have any doubts as to whether or not you are actually dealing with a ‘Barbie Don,’ your answer can be found on his license plate. ‘Barbie Don’ will often have the same number he wore 17 years ago as a second or third-string guard on his high school football team. Dead give away! “AW 78.” Damn proud of it!
You won’t have to talk much with ‘Barbie Don’ because he probably won’t understand anything you might have to say anyway. If he hasn’t completed his GED, he will proudly tell you that he is ‘damn close.’ And he will be ‘damn proud’ of it!
More often than not ‘ Barbie Don’ will be ‘between jobs,’ so there is no problem just leaving him lay around the house. He has either been laid off because of the economy, or the boss is an asshole, or he is seeking a new direction himself. It’s kind of his natural environment anyway – to lay around the house with dreams of grandeur. And this brings up a good point – your Barbie house WILL need a functioning TV, and oversized couch and remote with fresh batteries!
You won’t have to show much ‘love’ toward ‘Barbie Don’ because, with his narcissistic personna, he comes with his own love – no one can love ‘Barbie Don’ as much as ‘Barbie Don’ loves ‘Barbie Don!’
I could go on further here, but I think you get the idea. Just try not to laugh too hard the next time you encounter a “Barbie Don” in public. They are out there, and they harbor such sensitive feelings! LOL!