“The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”

Posted on 06/12/2012 by Bobo

I remember exactly when I first read ‘The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.”  Christmas of 1958.

Dear Ole Dad’s brother, Uncle Waldo and his wife, Aunt Marvel, came to Ramey AFB, Puerto Rico for Christmas that year.  I think my grandmother, Gram, might have been there at that time also.  Anyway…

One night a group of us kids went to the movies on base.  It cost a quarter in those days.  When we got in, we all sat on the front row.  I don’t know why, but soon we were all tossing popcorn up on to the stage.  It must not have cost as much as it does today, or we wouldn’t have been throwing it so freely.  Soon the theater manager came down and told us to stop, and we did – for a while.  Then we were back tossing popcorn.  I suppose for a 12-year old, it was great fun.

The next time the manager came down he wasn’t in any mood for any excuses; we all got tossed out of the movie.  With no where else to go, I went home.  Since the ‘timing’ was off, Dear Ole Dad asked me why I was home so early.  One thing you never, ever did was lie to Dear Ole Dad.  So I told him I had been thrown out of the theater for throwing popcorn.

He was pissed.  He made me put on a coat and tie, then he took me back to the theater.  I had to go in, find the manager, then apologize for my inappropriate behavior.  And I knew all along that would be only the half of it, at best.  The beating wouldn’t start until we returned home…

A couple-3 nights later we were all going out to dinner.  Dad was still pissed at me, and decided I did not deserve to go to dinner with the family.  So, off they all went:  Mom, Gram, my brother Billy, sister Debbie, Uncle Waldo and Aunt Marvel and Dear Ole Dad.  And I stayed at home…

Just before leaving Mom pointed out a Christmas present under the tree.  She told me she thought it was a book, and I could read it – if I was very careful to unwrap it, then wrap it as if it had not been disturbed.  No worries – I think I was better at that than throwing popcorn…

The book was actually for my brother Bill, and it was “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.”  I did read it that night – well, most of it I suppose!  And I had it back in the packaging before they all returned home later that evening.

I have that book today.  The pages are a bit yellow, and there’s a unique smell to it – but it holds a great memory for me.  It was a source of great comfort for me that evening… and ever since.  I just may read a few pages of it here this evening before I head off to bed…

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The Cost of Bureaucrats in Charge of Aviators Is, Dead Aviators…

Posted on 05/12/2012 by Bobo

On the morning of 9/11/2001 the policy guidance we had at Northwest Airlines (NWA) with respect to hijackings was:

“The first consideration in a hijacking is the safety of passengers and flight crews.  If the hijacker is armed, comply with all demands to the extent possible.  Attempts to overpower or subdue the hijacker by passengers or crew are potentially hazardous and should only be attempted as a last resort.”  And it goes on…

“Ensure that the hijacker knows that the crew will do anything that the hijacker says.”

“Remind the hijacker of the innocent people on board.”

(Reference: NWA Flight Operations Manual (FOM) 15.20.1, dated Dec 22-89.)

I have held on to these pages from my NWA (FOM), and every time I see them, they still burn my ass!  I didn’t like the policy when I first read it.  The first question I had on the morning of 9/11 was, “How did that policy work for you, ‘Suit?’  Are I was mad as Hell!

Eight of my peers – eight Aviators – died that morning, following the hijacking “policies” of suits: corporate ‘suits’ sitting comfortably at their respective corporate headquarters.  Of course, the policies were blessed by the FAA (Federal Aviation Agency).  But the suits will argue, they all died in compliance of existing company policy.

I have never heard anything about it, but I would hope that their survivors sued the hell out of their respective airlines – and maybe settled quietly ‘out of court?’  After all, the airlines – with this policy – rendered them all “defenseless.”

I have been called “cynical” upon occasion.  If it is “cynical” on my part to hold this up to airline executives; well, so be it!    If some “suit” at the airlines is offended with this post, all the better!  Just know ‘suit,’ had I ever chosen to do your job, I very well could have – I can loose money with the best of ya!  But I doubt if you could have ever flown a jet as well as I did…

PS:  When the eventual manual change came out, soon after 9/11 I kept the original policy guidance with the following ‘change’ penciled in:  9/11/’01 – Just shoot the Motherfuckers.”  And that made me feel very well…

Posted in A Nation of Pussies, At the Airlines | Leave a comment

The ‘Twisty’ Guy

Posted on 03/12/2012 by Bobo

Manufacturing in China is very ‘specialized.’  Each village specializes in only one product; and each individual specializes in only one operation, or task.  For example, there’s just one individual to put in a specific bolt on a piece.  Then the piece goes to the next station, and another person puts on the nut.  And that’s all they do, hour after hour; day after day; week after week and so on – you get the idea.  And after 40 years or so, if you haven’t lost any of your nuts, you can retire!  How cool is that?

One of the most coveted positions in a ‘Chinee’ manufacturing plant is the ‘Twisty Guy.’  (If you think I’ve used a racist term here, well okay – I ain’t feeling real “PC” this morning!  LOL!)  So, where was I before I side-tracked myself?  Ahhh, the Twisty guy.

The Twisty Guy is the guy who puts the ‘twistys’ on the assembled products as they go into the box.  The last thing he sees; often the first thing you have to deal with before you can use the cheap Chinee product you just bought.  It’s a very important job – putting twistys on stuff…  Requires great attention to detail – the right size of wire, the right direction of twist and the right number of twists.  And after 40 years or so, I’m told they really look forward to ‘unwinding’ in retirement… (Bad, huh?  Keep reading, it gets worse…)

So, last week I’m up on the roof hanging Christmas lights.  I open the box, then untwist 2 or 3 twistys, depending upon the light set.  As the sun is going down, it’s getting colder up there, and my fingers are getting stiffer.  Then I come to the box where I think the Chinee Twisty Guy lost it.  There must have been 9 to 11 twistys on that light set where there should have only been 2 or 3!  The sick bastard!  They are screwing us at every juncture!

My initial thought was to go and get another box of lights, but that was my last box.  So, crap, there I sat on the roof, unwinding twistys!  Must have took me a good 10 – 12 minutes or so… but I got ’em!

Now, as I think about it all here, a week or so later… I get passes from Delta Airlines.  I think I just might take a trip to China this coming Spring and seek out the Twisty Guy in the village that makes GE LED icicle lights – and wrap that sick little guy in 40 yards of twisty!  See how he likes it….

Posted in Just Things I Notice | 1 Comment

Chief Edwards

Posted on 03/12/2012 by Bobo

Of the two “Chiefs” I had in my shop, Chief Edwards was the oldest – or at least, he looked the oldest.   I think he may have been… A great guy, he was.

One morning we were sitting around in the office when the hanger fire alarm went off.  We all rushed out into the hanger bay to see what the problem was.  There were but a couple jets (F-111s) in the hanger, and they looked fine – no fire.  Then we saw a couple of our young troops coming out of their break room and they told us that (while fooling around) someone was pushed into the fire alarm.  Crap!

Pulling a fire alarm is something you just don’t do, unless there is an actual fire.  And to have one go off while someone was “fooling around” is not good.  I thought my ass was grass!  “Oh, Gawd-damn it!” I exclaimed.

Chief Edwards looked at me, and then looked at his watch and said, “Calm down Loo-ten-dent, everything will be fine.”  (He always pronounced ‘lieutenant’ with 3 syllables.)   How could it be, I wondered – and my Air Force career was going so well!

The alarm kept blaring, and I kept worrying.  I just couldn’t see how everything was going to be ‘okay.’  Then the base fire trucks began to show up.

Chief Edwards was the first to meet the firemen.  “Who is in charge here?” he roared.  I had never seen him so animated.

A guy in a ‘silver suit’ raised his hood and said “I am, Sir.”  And the Chief lit into him.

“Do you know how long your response time was?” he asked.

“No Sir,” the fireman replied.

“Do you realize how vital these aircraft are to our nation?” the Chief continued.

“Yes Sir!” came the reply, as he came to ‘Attention.’

“Seven minutes and 53 seconds,” the Chief bellowed.  “That’s bullshit!  The next time we run a fire drill I expect you to be here a lot sooner!  Do you understand me, Fire Chief?”

“Yes Sir!” once again came the reply from the guy quivering in his shiny silver boots.

“Now, reset the alarm and get the hell out of here,” the old Chief snapped.

The Fire Chief secured the alarm then scrambled to get back on his truck, and Chief Edwards headed back toward our offices – but not before scowling at the young troops for horsing around.  Nothing was said, he didn’t have to say anything.  Just that look of his said it all!  Glad it wasn’t aimed at me!

About 5 minutes later I returned to our office and saw Chief Edwards back at his desk, working his daily crossword puzzle and drinking coffee as if nothing had happened…

I love that guy, and the lesson was not lost on me!

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Chief Lundwall

Posted on 02/12/2012 by Bobo

One day the Wing Commander showed up with a group of visiting congressional dignitaries to tour our facilities.  Since the F-111A was a new aircraft to the Air Force inventory, we always had someone or another coming through to look at our operation.  Since we were mostly in a training posture at the time, it really didn’t bother us too much.

So this one day here comes the Wing Commander and he is proud as hell.  I was told to just “tag along” more or less, as “window dressing.”  When we walked into the Weapons Release Shop – where we did maintenance on the aircraft weapons release systems – we saw Chief Lundwall working on a component of some kind or another at the workbench.

The Wing Commander made some kind of a big deal how specialized F-111 components were and how critical it was that they be maintained to the highest standards.  He pointed out that in this particular case, a Chief Master Sergeant was working on this particular piece.  He then asked Chief Lundwall exactly what he was working on.  Without any hesitation at all, Chief Lundwall told him it was a 4-barell carburetor for a 1957 Chevy!  And everyone laughed.  Crap!

Yes, I got my ass chewed for that one…

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My First Duty Assignment

Posted on 02/12/2012 by Bobo

I showed up at Nellis AFB, NV, just North of Las Vegas, in mid-January 1969.  I signed in and was assigned to the 430th tactical Fighter Squadron (TFS), F-111A, as an Aerospace Munitions Officer.  When I got to the squadron the next day I was subsequently assigned as the squadron Weapons Loading Officer.  In this capacity I had 105 airmen assigned to me right away!

In the 430th “Load Shop” we had two Chief Master Sergeants:  Chief Edwards and Chief Lundwall.  I don’t know their first names – it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway.  These guys were “Chiefs,” and new 2nd Lieutenants didn’t call Chiefs by their first names.

I think my childhood as an “Air Force Brat” served me well later as an officer.  I knew how to treat the Enlisted folks – with respect.  Furthermore, these two guys were old enough to be my grandfathers!  And there was no way I could call them anything else but “Sir.”  (But I also knew you don’t call a senior enlisted man ‘Sir’ if you are an officer; you call him “Chief!”)

Anyway, these two guys were great for a brand new 2nd Lieutenant.  At the time, the 430th was in a training posture.  We were just receiving our asssigned aircraft – brand new F-111As, straight from the factory.

It wasn’t long before I picked up on Chief Edwards’ and Chief Lundwall’s “routine.”  These two guys would show up in the squadron somewhere between 0700 and 0715.  They would make coffee, then walk over to the break room to check up on the training schedule and see how things were going.  Once satisfied, they would return to our office.

These two guys had butted their desks up against each other.  After they settled in, out came the morning paper.  One of them would begin reading the paper, and the other began work on the crossword puzzle.  Sometime around 0930 or so every day these guys would head over to the NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer’s) Club – for a coffee break!

When they returned they would sit down at their respective desks and swap tasks with the morning paper.  Soon it would be time for lunch, so back to the NCO Club these two would go.

After the Chiefs returned from lunch, they would make early afternoon rounds to check on everything.   By 2:30 or so, it was back to the NCO Club once again, for a mid-afternoon cold beer.  Returning around 3:15 or so it was time for them to begin closing shop so they cold make it to the NCO Club for Happy Hour.  Helluva a deal!

While on the surface it may have looked like these two were kinda lackadaisical – make no mistake, they had an “iron grip” on the operation.  And everyone knew it!

I have no idea what ever happened to either one of them, but I do know that I became a better officer for having worked with them!

 

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Be Alert…

Posted on 25/11/2012 by Bobo

I walked into “M” Flight (T-38s at Vance) one morning and saw this on one of the blackboards:

Be Alert
We need more ‘Lerts’

I stood there for a moment, completely taken aback by it.  The students came and went, totally oblivious of it… and I was cracking up!  They didn’t get it… wonder if they would today?

It is still funny as hell!

Posted in E'spirit de Corps, The Book, UPT, USAF | Leave a comment

Measuring Cups on the Tree?

Posted on 25/11/2012 by Bobo

In early December 1998 I set up to build my annual Christmas cookies.  Lebkuchen cookies.  My grandmother made them for years, then the task fell to Mom.  They are really labor-intensive to make, taking all day.  But well worth it, for sure.

So, as I began to gather everything I would need, I discovered I had no measuring cups!  My divorce was final in February 1998, and I was still discovering what I needed to replace.  Well, damn it!

I have not had a problem with “physical” relapse with respect to my alcoholism, but I have struggled with “emotional” relapse.  With the Christmas season approaching, this small incident just seemed to push me over the edge that year!  Not knowing where else to go, I went to a meeting – ‘New Noon South.’

After 4 years in recovery I knew it was best for me “to share.”   So, I began by sharing that day.  I told the group about wanting “to build” Christmas cookies, and discovering that the measuring cups were gone.  The group began laughing at me.  Then as I spoke, it occurred to me that I also didn’t have a “Home Group” in AA – that I had lost that too, to my former wife!

(In early recovery, Sue would accompany me to an Open Meeting in Bowling Green.  That meeting became my “Home Group,” until our divorce.  I felt – and these were totally my “feelings” – that the group had rallied around “poor Sue,” and tossed me to the curb during the separation/divorce.)

And of course, when I mentioned losing my Home Group, they laughed even harder… And, I have to admit, as they laughed, I began to hear the absurdity of it all!  I left that meeting that day, feeling a great deal better than when I went in…

About a half-hour after returning home I received a call from Betty R.  I knew her from that meeting, but not well at all.   We talked a bit, then she invited me to join their group.  How could I refuse?  Then she invited me to a Christmas party she and her husband hosted every year – at a very prominent country club here in Toledo.

It was a great party and toward the end Betty had some small gifts for people.  For me, a set of plastic measuring cups!  I didn’t know whether to laugh, or cry…

When I got home, I took those measuring cups and hung them on my tree.  I didn’t have much else on that tree that year, so what the hell…

Since then, I hang one or two of them on my tree every year.  Kinda symbolic.  Betty is no longer with us, she died a few years later.  But seeing those cups every year keeps her with me.  And I am so grateful – for she loved me when I couldn’t love myself… If she hadn’t reached out to me, if she hadn’t given those silly measuring cups to me – well, who knows?  Merry Christmas Betty!

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I Used to Think I Was…

Posted on 24/11/2012 by Bobo

You’ve lived to be 66, and you think you just might know who you are….


A former Air Force pilot came into town one morning in a tattered old flight jacket.  He sat down in a booth at his favorite coffee shop to order breakfast.

As he sat there, taking his first sip of coffee, an attractive young woman approach with her drink, sat down across from him and asked, “Sir, Are you a real pilot?”

“Well,” he replied, “I’ve spent my whole life flying jets; first Tweets (T-37s), then Talons (T-38s)… Went on then to fly Starlifters (C-141s) and Herks (C-130s) for a bit, all over the World.  Later I flew ’38s as an Instructor Pilot, logging well over 3200 hours in those suckers.  Probably taught well over 1500 kids to fly – cheating Death many times more than I care to think about.  So I suppose you could call me a real pilot.”

“And what do you do, young lady?” he asked, to be polite.

“Well,” she said, “I’m a lesbian.  I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.  When I shower, I think about naked women.  When I watch TV, I think about naked women.  It seems everything makes me think of naked women.”

The two then sat there, sipping their coffee in silence.  The old pilot, somewhat in deep reflection.  Soon the young lady announced that she had to go; that she had a date…

A little while later, a young man sat down on in the booth and he too, asked: “Sir, are you a real pilot?”

The aviator sat there for a moment, staring at his coffee, still a bit confused, then replied, “Well, I always thought I was; but I just found out I’m a lesbian.”

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The Holidays

Posted on 24/11/2012 by Bobo

As we enter “the Holidays,” – Thanksgiving and Christmas – it gives me pause for reflection…

First of all, I am not (at all) caught up in the commercial hype.  I don’t give a shit about “Black Friday,” great deals or anything else on that order.  Too tied to the almighty dollar, and “they” can’t have it!  Mine, it’s mine!  My dollar!  LOL!

We always celebrated “traditional” holidays.  Mom would make a great Thanksgiving dinner, on Thursday.  Complete with all the fixings – including giblet gravy!  And of course, there was football.

As a kid, we always had a “nice” Christmas.  Plenty of toys, and excitement.  Mom loved to decorate, so the house – wherever we were (Okinawa, Tucson, Puerto Rico, Massachusetts, France or Germany) – was always “festive.”  My job was to hang the tinsel.  I think because even then she somehow knew about my ‘mild case’ of OCD, my incessant need “to please” – and the fact that I didn’t mind.  Bill and Deb would just toss it on the tree, and be done with it.

Holidays in my last 5-6 years in the USAF  were filled with squadron parties.  Every weekend from Thanksgiving, leading up to Christmas, was a “mandatory fun” event of some kind.  I didn’t mind because I could “hide” my drinking in with the amateurs!  Often they would get caught up in some kind of trouble, a 1-time occasion, but I skated.  I was a “veteran” drinker so I knew the traps!

Today the Holidays are quite different.  No more squadron parties, no more drinking.  And today, with a clear head, once again I really enjoy the holidays!  I can actually feel the excitement that comes with this time of year!  It’s as if I am a kid again!

Yesterday Keith, Beth and the boys came by and we took our annual pilgrimage down the road to the Whitehouse Christmas Tree Farm.  The fun thing for me is, I worked at that same farm while in college!  Froze my ass off, but I loved it!  Anyway, this post is about Christmas, not my ass, so I’ll move along…

Next comes decorating the house, inside as well as outside.  I enjoy seeing the lights everywhere.  I typically won’t get my tree until after 1 December.  Tradition again…

The last thing that completes my Christmas is my train.  Make no mistake, it’s my train!  LOL!  Again, on 1 December I will bring it down from upstairs and set it up in my bedroom.

And even my friends have to sit on the chairs, and wear hats to play with my train!  LOL!

Another facet of my Christmas is building cookies.  I use the Lebkuchen cookie recipe Gram used to use, then Mom.  They are “tough” to make and usually take  a whole day.  But, I don’t mind – that mild case of OCD again!

I usually make about 144 each year…

As for shopping and gifts, for the most part I prefer to make my own gifts every year.  I love “personalizing” my gifts. That way I can “spend time” with the person I am making the gift for…and I do.

And so it is that I begin the 2012 Christmas season…with gratitude and humility – and excitement!  A a great deal yet to do!  Merry Christmas everyone!

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