I had an interesting conversation with a woman the other day – could have been last week, last month, or last year – memory… Anyway, the subject of dating came up, specifically how ‘challenging’ it is over 60. A lot of us have our own homes and families; a lot of us are ‘set in our ways;’ there’s ‘political’ issues and so forth. And on occasion there is the distance factor. During this particular conversation it I shared with her that I was ‘alcoholic’ which drew her comment, “Oh, I could never date an alcoholic!” Interesting… so I prodded a little deeper.
It turns out that her father, her grandfather and I think she said her sister, are/were all alcoholics. And not very good ones from what she said. I am still trying to get my mind wrapped around that one: exactly what is a ‘good’ alcoholic? Interesting… so I continued to prod.
She talked about the disappointments she’s had with her father, her grandfather and her sister, their broken promises, the pain and so forth. I can relate to that. Then she ‘trumped’ the conversation with, “You know, once a person is alcoholic, there are other associated addictions.” Didn’t see that one coming. Interesting…
‘Other addictions’ are commonly referred to as ‘cross-addictions,’ and are quite common. I have experienced cross addiction myself. When I was flying I had to be careful about dropping quarters into the poker machines in Vegas. When I was winning, I could feel the euphoria; when I lost I could feel the disgust, the shame and so forth. Same process. But there is a difference with cross-addictions when one is in recovery. And like the program itself, it’s simple. It’s “Awareness.” If I am aware of my propensity for ‘cross-addiction,’ I can deal with it, whatever it is (gambling, sex, shopping, etc.) – if I choose. And that’s the ‘key.’ Choice. It’s always my choice.
I don’t know why, but I was out sanding Noah’s canoe this morning when this conversation wondered back through my mind. I have great conversations with my mind upon occasion… Anyway, I wondered: if alcoholics are “flawed” by the very nature of being alcoholic (as she was implying), then what’s the point of recovery? If we are ‘doomed;’ predestined to jump from one addiction to another, then, what’s the point? Then I thought of a couple facets of recovery that escaped me as she talked: Hope and Faith.
If I didn’t have either the Hope of recovery, or the Faith that I will continue to recover, then what’s the point? In her eyes, wouldn’t I be a better citizen by sticking a 9mm in my mouth – and pulling the trigger? Wouldn’t I be doing all of ‘society’ a favor?
Nah, don’t like that option too much…
So, now as I head back out to (hopefully) finish sanding, I’ll pray for her… That’s the point!
Prayer…