I Don’t Think LaQuisha is with AT&T and Longer…

Maybe 10 – 12 years ago I was installing a new ceiling in my family room one morning.  I had decided to use barn siding; tongue-and-groove pine boards.  I was making good progress and enjoying a beer or two, or perhaps three.  “Beer in the morning?” you might ask.  Well, why not?  ‘What’s the problem of having a beer before noon, if you are NOT an alcoholic’ was my thought process at the time.  It was all going well when I received a phone call.  And of course I was up on the ladder when the phone rang.

“Well crap,” I thought to myself.  “Do I climb down and answer it, or continue working and ignore it? I asked myself – before deciding to answer the damn thing anyway.  And besides I was getting down to “Min Beer” anyway.  (This is a state where your beer has only about an inch or so left in the can.)  So, down I climbed…

“Good morning Sir,” came the cheerful voice on the phone when I answered, “this is LaQuisha from AT&T.”

“Oh crap!” I thought to myself.  “I climbed down for this?”   And then she launched into her sales pitch, offering me a “great deal” to switch phone service.

I listened politely for a minute or two as I reloaded my beer, then it was my turn to speak.

“Do you know how much pressure you folks put on hard-working people like me?” I asked.  I reckon she was somewhat dumb-founded, for there was nothing but silence on the other end.  So, I continued.

“I only make so much money, and I work hard for it.  I try to do the best for my family, but sometimes I just don’t know what the best thing to do is.  There’s a lot of pressure – deciding which phone service to go with these days.  You folks offer one deal, MCI offers another and Sprint has their own savings plan – and I don’t know what to do.”  I think at this point she was stunned.

“I just don’t know how much more pressure I can stand these days, on top of everything else!  My son is on drugs, my daughter is pregnant and my wife is leaving me for my best friend – and I am going to miss him.”  I paused; silence.  So, on I went.

“I try to do the ‘right thing, I am a good man – but I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.  Matter of fact, I think I am my limit now!”  And I headed for my 9mm pistol.

Walking out back I told her, “I just don’t think I can go on anymore, it’s too much.  I’ve had it!”  Silence.  “You know LaQuisha, it’s just not worth it anymore,” and I fired the weapon into the dirt, and dropped the phone on the wooden porch out back.  Clunk – busy tone.

Then I thought, “What if she calls 911?”

“Oh shit!” and I headed back inside to clean the weapon and my hands of gunshot residue.  I’ve watched a lot of cop shows, you know…  Insanity?  Oh hell no – I cleaned my 9mm all the time at 11 in the morning while half “in the bag!”  Doesn’t everyone?

Nothing ever came of it and I have never heard anything more of LaQuisha.  She never has called back, nor has AT&T… I just hope she isn’t sitting in a darkened room somewhere, in a bathrobe, still trying to recover herself…

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