The Snow Maze

Last year (2013) we had a winter something like we used to have when I was a kid (1964 – ’68).  I don’t know what the “official” snowfall was, suffice to say, a lot.  Toward the end of the season I was talking with Mikey and he suggested this year I open a “snow maze.”  Now, just how stupid is that?  However, his idea held great appeal for me and I lent a lot of thought to it over the year.  So I contacted my sign maker last month and this is what we came up with:

FullSizeRender

Right now (Dec. 23, 2014) it sits in my family room; no snow – and it’s killing me!  I now can appreciate how ski resorts feel when there is no snow.  I am losing a great deal of money!

Do I think I’ll have folks walking in my front year?  Oh, hell yes!  And probably at $5.00 each.  And I will have my camera ready!

Last week I decided to create “gift cards” to fill the gap.  They have been a real “hit!”  I took 3 over to Noah’s school and gave them to the receptionist.  I told her that I wanted to give the “gift cards” to Sister Pat (principal), Karen (secretary) and Mrs. Rogers (the boy’s teacher) – and I handed them to her, upside down.  She went on to tell me ‘how kind I was,’ as I began to walk away.  Then I her her burst out laughing!

SnowMaze

 

Posted in Humor | 1 Comment

I Didn’t Fly 3 Times that Day…

I was talking in the hallway to a few Captains one morning when the squadron commander (the 560th FTS/CC) came up to us.  At that time I was the “Special Assistant to the DO (Director of Operations), Number 2.  Lt. Col. Byron Allen was the Special Assistant to the DO, Number 1.  I had upward mobility, he didn’t…

Anyway, the commander asked if he could speak to me, indicating that he wanted it to be a “private conversation.”

“Sure Tom,” I replied, “what’s on your mind?” I replied with a ‘body language’ that told him I wasn’t going anywhere.  This would have been in December 1987 and I was retiring in July.

“Have you heard of ‘my’ policy of not flying 3 times a day?” he asked, thinking he had ‘nailed me.’

“Why, yes Tom, I have,” I answered.

“Well, it appears that the other day, you violated my policy,” he stated as if he had nailed me.

“Okay Tom, let’s think about this for a second,” I replied.  The Captains I had been talking with were now becoming somewhat amused, so I continued.  “Your ‘policy,’ as I understand it, is a ‘WOM,’ a ‘word-of-mouth.’  If you want me to adhere to it, write it down.  ‘WOMs’ are not legally binding.  And besides I did not fly 3 times that day (12 December 1987), I flew 5 times that day!”

At the time the only limit we had to flying on any given day was no more than 6.5 hours in a day – and I had not exceeded that.  I had 6.0 hours that day… and I knew it.  So, I was just ‘playing’ with him.  He was now in a engagement he could not win – so without saying anything else, he just turned and left.  Nothing else ever came of it…

You have to know the rules…

Posted in PIT, The Book | Leave a comment

“Kansas City Center, Guess Who?”

It was about this time of the year when we took a 4-ship out to the area to ‘play’ a bit.  The students had all gone home for the holidays so there were just IPs (instructor pilots) in the jets.  The initial check-in with Kansas City Center went something like this (after a silent nod from everyone acknowledging, we were all on Kansas City’s radio freq.) -beginning with the IP in the front cockpit of the Lead jet.  Subsequent responses were followed by the IPs in the front cockpits of the other 3 jets, then with the guys in the rear cockpits:

“Dasher,” “Dancer,” “Prancer,” “Vixon,” “Commet,” “Cupid,” “Donner,” “Blitzen…”

…then Jack D., Flight Lead called, “Kansas City, guess who!”

Merry Christmas Everyone!

t-38a(And yes Jack, I know: these aren’t ‘Vance’ jets; and I know this isn’t ‘in the area,’ and I know these aren’t Vance IPs, etc…!  But it is the only T-38A four ship picture I can find this morning!  LOL!)

Posted in The Book, UPT, War Stories | 1 Comment

Who Taught You How to Talk to Adults?

I was up to the post office the other day with a handful of BratPin orders to send out, maybe 12 – 13 of ’em.  As I was about to hand everything over to Deb I noticed this ‘kid’ come in with just a few envelopes.  He was maybe 17 or 18; a nice looking, well-groomed kid.  I thought this might be a good opportunity for a ‘lesson’ for him; teaching him to be observant about his surroundings, and whatever else he could take from it.

So, I asked him, “Do you just have the 2 pieces to mail?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Yeah?!” I came right back at him with, I think perhaps ‘shocking’ him a bit.  And at the same time I motioned for him to go ahead.  Then I asked, “Who ever taught you how to talk to adults?”  And I left it at that.

Deb was somewhat mortified, but she went about her task at hand…

As the kid completed his business, he looked at me and said, “Thank you, Sir,” and all was good…

Posted in Current Events | Leave a comment

Retro ID Cards

And so in early December it came to us; how fun would it be to create ‘retro’ military dependent ID card?

When we, Military Brats, left home or when our parents left the service we had to surrender our ID cards.  Not a big deal perhaps, to civilians, but to us Brats our ID cards symbolized our existence.  It was almost losing our ‘identity’ for a while.  From when we became aware that they even existed we counted the days until we turned 12.  That was the minimum age you could receive an ID card back in the day.  I wouldn’t doubt it if they just give them to about anyone these days – after all, every kid deserves a trophy today…

So a friend and I put our heads together and came up with this great military dependent retro ID card.  How cool is that?  They kind of look like this, ‘like’ the original ones:

RetroID

Only we “sanitized it.”  (I think Brats have more of an appreciation for security sometimes than active duty folks or members of congress.)  Front and back there was nothing that could pass for military.  Nada!  However just before going into production our printer’s lawyers advised the company against it.

Their claim was that someone could use the card to gain entrance into the World Trade Center, blow the place up and the company would be held liable for trillions (of dollars).  Oh, really?

Let’s look at the ‘big picture’ here a minute.  A “Retro” ID card.  An OBSOLETE, Retro ID card!  No bar code anywhere.  No American eagle or bird if any kind anywhere on it.  No rank of any kind.  No “unit” details.  Nothing military.  And most of the pictures on the damn thing would be pictures of us as kids:

Circle "F" 1

Makes me take pause to think that they should consider enlisting the legal staff in Homeland Security.  Clever bastards they are… the “tip of the spear” with respect to homeland defense…

Posted in A Nation Gone Nuts, Air Force Brats | 1 Comment

And What Did He Tell You That Means?

I was standing at the cockpit door one afternoon after landing in Detroit, handing out “Bye-nows” – kind of bored with it all.  The deplaning line came to a stop and there was this black kid standing next to me.  He was about 19 or 20 or so and had a tattoo on his right bicep.  I looked at it for a couple seconds, then asked, “When you had that ‘tat’ put on, what did you ask for?”

“Harmony,” he replied.

“Really,” I continued, “is that what you think it is?”

“Yeah,”

“Well Son,” I said, “I studied Chinese at the Naval Language Institute at Monterrey, California for 2 years, and that is not ‘Harmony!’

“What is it?” he asked….

“Well, you see this ‘bit’ here, heading down?”

Harmony

“Yeah.”

“Well, for ‘Harmony’ it has to go up.”

“What’s this mean?” he asked.

“I am not quite sure, but I think it has something to do with sex.”

His eyes got wide open, and his mouth dropped.  By that time the line began moving again, and off he went.  Thank God!

I chuckled to myself, then hoped I never ran into him again.  I have often wondered whether or not he went back to the tattoo parlor….

 

Posted in Humor | Leave a comment

A ‘Pissing Contest’ with a Chicken…

Chickens need approximately 14 hours of (day) light to produce eggs.  With the onset of winter I will typically leave a light on for them in their coop.  The 75w bulb I have in there is also a source of heat for them.

The other day as I was checking their food and water I noticed the light was off.  I thought I had turned it on.  I checked the switch – it was on.  So I pulled the string, turning the light back on, and thought nothing more about it.  The next day the light was off again.  What?

So, I once again checked the switch and pulled the string again; and on came the light again.  “Okay,” I thought to myself, “I am now in a pissing contest with a chicken.”  How do I win this?

I am going to have to ‘ponder’ on this one for a while…

Posted in Current Events | 1 Comment

“Yorking” ’em…

I have always held an interest in military history.  One of the stories I heard as a kid was that of Sgt. Alvin C. York from WW I.  In one engagement, on October 8, 1918 Sgt. York and his platoon were sent after a German machine gun nest in the Argonne Forest.  Once they were in place a group of German soldiers appeared to surrender.  Then they signaled another group of Germans to open fire on the unsuspecting Americans.  Most of the Americans were killed.

Sgt. York then took his Enfield rifle and first picked off the German machine gunners.  Then he calmly began shooting the remaining German soldiers – from the back of the line so they wouldn’t scatter – a turkey-hunting technique he learned back in Tennessee.   As the advancing Germans discovered there were only 2 or 3 of them left when they got close to the Americans, they surrendered.    For this action Sgt. Alvin C. York was awarded the Medal of Honor.

yorkmoh

Today I, along with a lot of other Military Brats, are engaged in battle with an organization called “The Little C.H.A.M.P.S.”  C.H.A.M.P.S. being an acronym for Child Hero Attached to Military Personnel.  While they claim ‘they’ are not attempting to “re-brand” us, it’s hard to believe them.  This was pulled off their web site before it was removed.

Screen Shot 2014-11-28 at 6.10.14 PM As we, ‘we’ being a ‘small band of adult military brats,’ began digging deeper, we began to find a great deal more.  And we began forwarding our discoveries to their sponsors and endorsers.  And soon they began withdrawing their endorsements and support from “The Little C.H.A.M.P.S.”

One of the first ones to drop was the MCEC, the Military Child Education Coalition

Screen Shot 2014-12-05 at 12.55.09 PM

“YORK”

Then “inquiries” were made to the various service Trademark offices – to see if  “The Little C.H.A.M.P.S.” organization had permission to use their respective service seals.  The service seals are trademarked.  These are their replies (to date:)

1.  Sir,
Thank you for your help in this matter. Since the website was using all the Services’ Seals, I have requested the assistance of the OSD Branding and Trademarks Office to have the seals removed, barring an unknown relationship that the Services have entered into with the company — which I don’t expect to be the case.

We appreciate your efforts to protect the Air Force identity. Please continue forwarding potential infringement cases to us as you see them.

Respectfully,
Ms. Rowden
Air Force Public Affairs Agency
Chief, USAF Trademark & Licensing

YORK”

2.  Good afternoon Mr. Holliker,

Thank you for your inquiry regarding the U.S. Coast Guard’s official seal.

Neither commercial nor non-profit entities may use the Coast Guard’s official seal for merchandising, promotional and/or advertising purposes. Further, the seal may not be used to create the appearance of an implied endorsement for an organization.
As your query involves each of the services, this matter has been addressed within the DOD Trademark group for disposition.
Please contact me directly should you have additional questions or concerns.

Best regards.

TM

                                                                       “YORK”

3.  Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

Thank you Mr. Holliker, I have turned this over to DoD for action.

Best regards,

Paul Jensen
Director, Army Trademark Licensing Program

                                                                          “YORK”

And it’s kind of fun quite candidly, to watch their endorsement pages as we continue to YORK them:

Yorking1Yorking2

                                                             “YORK, YORK”

Our efforts are continuing, and like those poor unfortunate German soldiers, it won’t be long before the USO, the Red Cross and USAA discover they are out front, all alone.  Then I suspect they will surrender…

And now you know as much about “Yorking” as I do…

Posted in Air Force Brats | 2 Comments

Playing in the Leaves

I was talking with my daughter-in-law last week when the subject of ‘playing in the leaves’ came up.  She and my son would be working for the next 4-5 days so they would be able to come over, to let the boys play in the leaves.  So, why not?

IMG_2727I had plenty of leaves sitting on my front yard, just waiting for a pile, and a couple of boys.  With the leaf blower, and a little ‘elbow grease,’ in an hour or so the stage was set.  All it was lacking was a couple of boys…

 

 

 

IMG_2728Just before 3 I went over and picked up Evan (4) from day-care.  For whatever reason he was copping an ‘attitude.’  He just sat in the back, saying nothing.

Then I went over to the school and picked up Noah (6).  He was excited when I told him we were going back to my house, to play in the leaves.

When we got here I told Evan to head up and sit in the porch.  He just kinda looked at me.  Then I went on to explain, “Playing in the leaves is just for ‘happy boys,’ not sad boys.’  When he saw that I meant it, he said, “Grampa, I’m a happy boy!”  I just had to laugh….

IMG_2756

Noah, 6, and Evan, 4.

 

Posted in Family | Leave a comment

On Being Wrong

I am 68.  As I “look back,” I am amazed that I made it to 68, being so “wrong” about everything in Life.  Kinda surprised I’m not incarcerated somewhere, and I know I am probably going to Hell for it all.  Oh well… Let me give you a few examples here.

Child Rearing:  How many times did I toss my kids in the back of my pick-up truck, and just let them “rattle around” back there as we traveled about?  And to make it even more challenging, for 2 years we were In Australia where I drove on the other side of the road!  Today, that’s just WRONG!

And then I taught my daughter how to ride a bike – her without any of the mandated protective clothing required today.  No helmet, no elbow or knee guards, no padded gloves – and look at the clothing she is wearing.  Child Services would ahve a field day with this one!

PH078

Just how WRONG  is this?

And then there are the countless times I left the kids in the car as I went into the Post Office or grocery store.  Of course I didn’t lock them in the car with the windows up – in 100-degree weather – that’s stupid!  But I did leave them when I went 30 feet up to the Post Office to drop off a letter… going to Hell for sure!

Pilot Training:  When I was in pilot training (1970 – ’71) a student was placed on “Marginal Student Status” when he (sorry, no ‘she’s’ at the time) began experiencing problems.  Well a few of the students became “offended” with the term so ATC capitulated – they renamed the status to “Special Monitoring Status.”  Swell…

Then “they” went after “Plowbacks.”  ‘Plowbacks’ were students who received instructor pilot assignments upon graduation.  The “appeasement” resulted in “FAIPs” – First Assignment Instructor Pilots.”  Ahhhh…. I think I would rather have been a “Plowback” than a Fu*kin’ FAIP (as was often heard about these guys!  LOL)….

As a T-38 IP (Instructor Pilot):  How many times did I pass a kid when there was a clear “clean kill” presented during flight?  (A “clean kill” in this context means that the kid committed a “fatal error” during the flight profile, a mistake that could have/should have warranted a failing of the ride.)  But who was going to tell?  Not me; and not the kid, for sure!  I got a lot of “instructing” done during instances like this, but had it been discovered, I would have been WRONG, and decertified as an IP!  Little difference does it make that 3 of the guys, just off the top of my head, went on to be squadron commanders themselves.  Had I “smoked them,” per the direction of the day, and most certainly that of today, who knows the directions their careers would have taken…

I could go on and on here, but I think you get the idea.  The latest thing I saw is a ‘movement’ to change the name of us, those of us who grew up as ‘Military Brats,’ to ‘Champs’ – Child Heroes Attached to Military Personnel.  The rationale stated is,

“The Finks originally named the book “The Little Brats,” based on the age-old term “military brats” for children who grew up in military families. However, the title did not go over well with some military organizations with which the authors hoped to collaborate.”  (Jennifer Fink and her mother Debbie wrote the book…)

So, something else I have learned now in my “senior years” – I have been WRONG about being a Military Brat, something I have taken great pride in.  Well Folks, you can hammer me about being WRONG about just damn-near everything else but here is where I draw the line – and it’s not one of those artificial lines that our president has been drawing of late!  I will not acquiesces to being a CHAMP!  That just makes my skin crawl… Nope, I’m a BRAT!  And I know there are several of you out there that can attest to this, with absolutely no reservation at all!

Posted in "Political Correct BS" | Leave a comment