Say ‘hi’ to John…

As I was getting into the shower yesterday I received a call.  Didn’t recognize the number but I answered it anyway.

“Hello, John?” came the reply when I answered.

“No,” I said, this is Bob.”

“Do you sell T-shirts?” the called asked.

“No,” I again replied.

“Are you sure you ain’t John?” he then asked.  Now, one thing I love in Life is a ‘wrong number!’  My opening for creative expression…

“Well, now that you ask, I am not so sure.  let me go check my birth certificate.  I know where my birth certificate is!”

“Are you a comedian?” he then asked.

“No, just a retired pilot,” I told him.

“Well, thank you,” he said, “I’m sorry to have bothered you.

“One thing before you go,” I asked.

“What?”

“When you find John, would you tell him I said ‘hi?'”

Click…

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Buying Sudafed

The last time I had a head cold I ran out of Sudafed.  Crap… So, I bundled myself up and headed to Kroger’s – but not before ‘writing a note’ for myself.

When I got to Kroger’s I patiently stood in line; suffering with the aching, coughing and fever.  Just felt like crap.  As I approached the counter I handed the pharmacist a note:  “Please let my good-looking son Bobby buy some Sudafed.  He has a very bad cold, and is not feeling very well.  Thank you, His Mom.”

When the pharmacist looked up from reading the note, I told her that, in all honesty, I actually wrote the note myself because my Mom died 10 years before – and with our new federal regulations, I didn’t know if I needed a note from Mom, along with everything else now, to buy Sudafed.  I said it so convincingly, with sad-looking eyes, that she didn’t know if I was serious or not.

I can’t fight all these new constraints on me – I get it.  But even sick as I was, I still can make these people feel like village idiots while implementing new federal regulations – for my own protection,of course.  Jerking around the pharmacist made me feel almost as better as the Sudafed…

 

 

Posted in A Nation Gone Nuts | Leave a comment

The “Morning After Pill”

Well hell.  Now it seems a 15-year old girl can buy “the Morning After Pill” without a prescription to keep from having a kid, and I can’t buy Sudafed for an obvious head cold – without jumping through all sorts of hoops… this nation has gone nuts.

 

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Found the Queen

Yesterday Beth stopped by, on her way to work.  I love it when Beth stops by… She had to drop off a project for Noah to take to school.

While here she had a look at my observation hive, and found the queen!  I have looked for that queen for weeks now – and she walks in and finds it!  Mom’s are good at finding things….

Queen2

She is a little larger than the worker bees around her, and has a different back.  In the picture below, you can see her on the left side of the exposed hive, about half-way from the top to the drawn comb.

Queen3

Now that I’ve seen her, she should be easier to spot… or, at least, that’s the theory!

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The Squirrel Wasn’t Playing Dead

Noah, my oldest grandson, goes to pre-K just around the corner from me.  When Beth and Keith are working, I have “Noah Duty,” wherein I shuttle him back and forth from Day Care to pre-K.  It’s not really a “duty” per se, it’s something I truly enjoy…

When the weather is good I like to walk him home.  I just live around the corner and it gives me time to learn a few things from him – and I don’t have to fight for position in the “Conga Line” of Charlie-Mikes (Catholic Moms) also waiting to pick up kids and talking/texting on their “life-support devices.”  Yes, a few of them DO pay attention to what they are doing…

Yesterday he spotted a squirrel laying just off the side of the road.  He then told me the squirrel was ‘playing dead.’  He further explained that if the squirrel had be moving it would have been ‘playing alive;’ but by not moving, it was playing dead… Interesting.

I left him with that, not quite knowing how to explain, the squirrel wasn’t playing dead…

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Euphemism: “Wheels in the Well”

“Wheels in the Well” is a euphemism I frequently use to express ‘leaving.’  It comes from retracting the landing gear after takeoff.  When the ‘wheels’ come up into the aircraft, into the ‘gear well,’ you are, ‘on your way.’

 

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Deployments

As I was sitting here yesterday morning at oh-dark-thirty, I heard some jets departing.  Two distinct groups of jets – maybe 15 to 20 minutes apart.  Wasn’t paying that great of attention; I’ve heard it before.  Then my daughter-in-law put a post on FaceBook about the 180th (Ohio Air National Guard, Toledo) jets departing on deployment – and it all came back.  Oh, how I wish I were  going with them…

I know what it’s like to sit in the early morning (0200) briefing.  Dealing with trying to wake up, the anticipation of the departure, details of the deployment, etc.

I know what it’s like to step into the PE (personal equipment) room, checking out my gear.  The light-hearted, nervous banter.

I know what it’s like when it’s finally time to step to the jet.  The eager anticipation of finally ‘getting it going.’

I know what it’s like to greet the crew chief.  More banter, concern that the jet will perform, and not leave me behind.

I know what it’s like to strap it on – the jet.  The sounds, the smells, the activity on the flightline under the glow of artificial light.

And I know what it’s like to sit int he cockpit, awaiting the start signal.  Alone with my thoughts.  Will I measure up?  Let’s get going.  Stretching.

And finally we would be on our way.  Start, taxi and eventually, takeoff – all uneventful, as planned.  And in the later stages of the climb, when all was ‘right,’ I could finally relax for the first time the morning.

Yes, I know what it’s like – and I miss it terribly… But, on the other hand, I was so privileged – to have been a part of it all at one time.  Just a deployment that hardly anyone took note of…

My spirit and prayers will be with those guys as they fly off into “Harm’s Way” here, over the next couple-3 months.  And not just the aviators, but all those who departed with them…

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Smoking Down the Highway…

As we settle into Spring this year, I am getting more and more into my bees.  Hive inspection is critical in the early stages of the year to make sure the hive is developing without problems.  Part of the hive inspection process is “smoking the hives.”  The smoke is used to calm the bees.

Last year I had a hard time keeping the smoker lit.  I spent more time fussing with that damn smoker than actually using it.  Then over last winter I ‘read the book’ on smoker techniques.  What a difference that made – reading the book!  Go figure?

So late last week I was installing new bees into a few hives, and using my smoker for the first time – now understanding how it works.  And it works like a champ; only maybe too good!

I have 3 hives at my house and 3 at my cousin Tim’s place, about 5 miles away.  When I finished here, I loaded everything into my Honda CRV, then looked at the smoker.  It was just kinda sitting there, with the smoke just a whiff.  I didn’t want to take the time to dump it, then relight it once I got to Tim’s.  It had been a long day, and I was tired.  So, I just set it in the back, and off I went.

Well, I wasn’t hardly out the driveway before that damn smoker took off!  Smoke just bellowing from it, filling my SUV!  I rapidly went through my “Smoke in the Cockpit” checklist, which meant I opened all the windows, and it was “tolerable;”  So, I continued on my way, smoke pouring out the open windows!

It wasn’t too bad where I was sitting, and I kinda enjoyed the looks on the faces of oncoming drivers, and the folks I passed!  Oh, I can just imagine!  LOL!  A sick bastard, I am… LOL!

I got over to Tim’s, took care of business, then headed home.  However, I did extinguish the smoker for the return trip.  Hardly could tell any difference though, from where I sat.

It wasn’t until the next day I realized “how bad” it really was – my SUV now smells like a smokehouse!  I don’t know whether or not to have it detailed; or hang a ham in it for a couple-3 days… I think that is the last time I will drive around with a lit smoker in the back.

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Looks Like the “PC Queers” Are Winning…

This is the current welcome sign at Nellis AFB, NV:

Nellis-Front-Gates

 

 

 

 

 

 

And this is the sign it replaced (as directed by Air Combat Command):

Hmof the FP

“They” dropped off, ‘home of the fighter pilot.’  Guess it was too scary for the Shoeclerks on base…

 

 

 

 

Posted in E'spirit de Corps, Uncategorized, USAF | Leave a comment

“Convention,” Political Correctness, Defiance and Contempt…

It seems every day now I am becoming more and more constrained by “new-age convention” and political correctness (PC).  Well, I for one, have had enough of this “new-age” crap!  Every day now it seems as if I can’t do this or that, or I can’t say this or that because of I might “offend” one group or another.  And it seems as if anything defined as “PC” is set by progressives.  Well Sunshine, I ain’t buying it!

I can’t leave my grandson in the car while I run into the Post Office to mail a letter (even though I can see the little shaver at all times).  I can’t take him out to the airport in the evenings to watch airplanes anymore because we have chosen to restrict law-abiding Americans in the interest of not “offending” muslim terrorists.

We are afraid to call another muslim terrorist a ‘muslim terrorist,’ lest we offend some shithead in a cave somewhere on the other side of the world.  “Workplace violence,” Dear Leader calls it.  YGBSM!  What an idiot!

We give “welfare” to muslim immigrants, and they blow up Boston!  Didn’t happen when I was in my thirties!  And this is “progressive?”  I think “progressive policies” are destroying my country, and I resent it.  Not gonna drink over it, but I am also not going to blindly accept it.

I stand in complete DEFIANCE today, to anyone who attempts to mandate what is, and what is not “politically correct” to me.  I will put up my values and morals – the values and morals of my parents – against those of the shitheads running our nation today!  Obama, Bill Ayers, John Kerry, Valerie Jarret, David Axelrod – to name but a few.  What a collection of self-serving cretins!

Now I feel better, and am about to meet the day with nothing but delightful contempt for almost everyone in government.

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