Raspberry Jam

One of the first things I did when I bought my place here in Whitehouse, OH, in 1991, was to plant a red raspberry patch.  Over the years I added two more patches!  I just like red raspberries, and ya can’t have enough – unless you have a neighbor like mine!

About 10 – 12 years ago I had a “bumper crop” and invited her over to pick a few.  Ever since, she has thought of these patches as her own!

Last year (2011) I went over to Joe’s in mid-August to help him build a deer stand.  I noted before I left, that my raspberries would probably be ready upon my return – and again, they were ‘plentiful’ last year…

When I got home, i thought of those raspberries out back.  I wasn’t in the mood to cook, so I grabbed a mixing bowl and headed out back – only to discover that most of them were gone!  Damn!  …Damn it!

So I scoured the bushes and found 9 berries remaining – hidden deep within the decimated canes.  Nine berries!  YGBSM!  On my way back up to the house, I decided I couldn’t do anything with just 9 berries, so I took them next door, and gave them to my neighbor.  I told her ‘she missed a few!’  She went on to say that she knew I was gone and wouldn’t mind if she took the berries…  Really?  All of them?

So, this year I had another great yield.  Only this year I watched them like a hawk!  And I didn’t plan on any trips near harvest.  And now, it has paid off!

They are delightful this year!  And, ‘Sweet!’  And this year, they are all mine!  From this bowl I managed to make 6 jars of freezer jam…

Give one to my neighbor?  No… She should have plenty left over from last year…  But if you come over, I’ll fix a piece of toast for you – with red raspberry jam… and probably share a “war story” or two with ya…

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“Sir, Were You a ’38 IP…?”

I was walking through the Minneapolis Airport one day when this guy came up and asked, “Sir, were you a ’38 IP (T-38 Instructor Pilot) at Randolph?”

I didn’t recognize him at all, but replied, “Yeah, for six years or so…”

“I think I flew a check ride with you,” he went on to say.

“Well, how did I do?’ I retorted.

“No, you gave me the check ride,” he responded before he ‘got it.’  A broad smile then came to his face.  He then continued, “I remember flying a two-ship formation check with you, and never laughing so hard on a flight, either before or since!  You just sat up there (up front) and came out with one quip after another.  I was laughing so hard in back – but was afraid to let you hear me!”

Deadpanned, I said something like, “I was just commenting on what I was seeing…”

He went on, “Yeah, but the things you were saying were killing me!  Like on departure (to the North) when you said, ‘Let’s leave it low here, to give the shoeclerks on their way into Base, an appreciation for the sound of freedom!  Maybe we can make ’em spill their designer coffee!’  And you blew right up the highway Sir, still in Burner!  And from there on, there was no let up!”

Then he said, “Sir, I know it was a flight evaluation, but I have never had so much fun on a ride ever since.  That day you made flying really fun for me!”

And that’s what I often tried to do for the folks I flew with.  My IPs, Russ Sweets (’37s) and Rick Vaile (’38s), made flying really fun for me, and I always felt obligated to pass it on. Apparently I did for that kid, on that day…

 

 

 

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Walking With Grandfather…

I am currently using a meditation book these days, “Meditations with Native American Elders,” as a guide for my spiritual readings in the early mornings.  I am so at peace with the teachings of these Native American Elders – it’s as if I already know of the things of which they speak, but have forgotten them over the years as I became “educated,” and “politically correct!”  This morning’s passage is as follows:

“The old people must start talking and the young people must start listening.”  Thomas Banyaca, HOPI

All my life I have gravitated toward  ‘Elders.’  (I will capitalize the word ‘Elders’ here as a reflection of respect.  A respect they certainly deserve…)

I have actively sought mentors and teachers throughout my life; usually people who are older than I am.  I hardly knew my Grandfathers, Fred and Dudley.  Fred (Holliker) died when I was 9, and Dudley (Garrison) lived in Oregon as we traveled the world.  But I loved them both!

When I got sober I gravitated toward Native American spirituality.  This in turn, took me to a book, “Walking with Grandfather,” by Joseph Marshall III, a Lakota Sioux Indian.  What an inspirational book!  It made me take pause to reflect on my responsibilities and obligations as a grandfather.   I like the word ‘Grandfather.’  To me it conveys wisdom, and caring, gleaned from a lifetime of experience.

                                                           Grampa Bob and Delaney

“The old people must start talking and the young people must start listening.”  Thomas Bantyacya, HOPI.

Today I treasure the thought of being a ‘grandfather!’  I am proud of it.  And I look forward to time I spend with my grand kids.

                                                        Grampa Bob and Riley

Before my “Final Flight West” I look forward to imparting things I have learned to my grandchildren.   Both the ‘good,’ and the ‘bad’ – and maybe sometimes, the ‘ugly.’  Maybe if they know of my life, they can learn from my ‘mistakes,’ and capitalize on my successes…

Grampa Bob and Noah

Yesterday once again found us at McQueen’s Apple Orchard.  Bright beautiful day, and here I am, walking with Evan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grampa Bob and Evan

I so love walking with these kids…

 

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The Journey: Reaching Out for Help

After the shrink diagnosed me as “alcoholic,” I actually felt a sense of relief!  I kinda always knew I was a drunk; however until 28 Jul ’94 I wasn’t ready to face it.  I wasn’t ready to quit drinking… On 28 Jul ’94, I was.

When I returned home that Saturday morning, from my ‘debrief’ with my shrink, I told Susan I was ready to reach out for help – that I really couldn’t quit on my own, that I really couldn’t quit any time I wanted to…

The first call I made was to Adrian H.  He was a Northwest Captain I had flown with, and had a great deal of respect for.  One day, at the Detroit airport, I happened to see him, in civilian clothes.  I asked ‘what was new,’ and he replied, “Oh, I’m just returning from Hazelden.”

“Oh great,” I responded, “what’s Hazelden?”

He went on to explain that it is an addiction treatment center.  I can clearly remember standing there, looking at him with pure admiration.  We talked for a bit more, then I moved on; somehow knowing…

I talked with Adrian for some time.  He didn’t try to “recruit me;” he just told me what it was like, and answered all my questions.  He had a “calmness” about him that I wanted…

The next call I made was to a union HR rep.  I told him that I “thought” I “might” be alcoholic.  (Notice the two “outs” I gave myself?  Just so natural, my denial!)  We talked for about 45 minutes when he said he thought that it would be a good idea for me to go up to Hazelden ‘for an assessment.’  Then he asked if I would mind if he called my chief pilot to coordinate my visit to Hazelden.  (I think that question was more or less, just a courtesy!  LOL.)

It wasn’t but 10 or 15 minutes later that I received a call from Captain Dick Edwards, Northwest Airlines Chief Pilot, Detroit Airport.  I had a great deal of respect for Captain Edwards.

The first thing he said was, “Thank you for coming froward Bob; that is a very courageous thing you’ve done.”  I didn’t think it was courageous – I was just sick-n-tired, and beat up, and I wanted help…

He then went on, “We’re going to take care of you Bob, and your family.”  And I somehow knew it.  He then asked if I had had anything to drink that morning and I told him I hadn’t.  (It just didn’t make sense to me to ask for help while drinking… I always knew when I finally asked for help, that that would be the end of it.  And it was.)

At that point Dick told me that I had a bed at Hazelden, reserved for the next day!  No foreplay!  These guys weren’t screwing around.

After I hung up I felt a great sense of relief.   Thank God I wouldn’t have to drink anymore – I knew it was killing me; and it was.  I felt “hopeful”…

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The Journey: Stumbling Into Sobriety

I didn’t get a “scholarship” into sobriety – no DUIs, not “wife-ordered,” nor court ordered, nor any work issues.  I was just ‘sick-and-tired’ of being ‘sick-and-tired!’

In the end, of my drinking, I would get up in the morning and ask God to keep me from drinking that day, only to open my first can of Bud Light at 0830!  From my perspective, what’s the problem of having a beer ‘before noon’ if you are not an alcoholic.  Keep in mind, this was my perspective!  It also shows you how my brain is ‘wired’ different than most… or was.

When I was a child I attended Lutheran catechism for 3 years while we were in Puerto Rico.  Once a week for two years, then twice a week for the last year.  It was this “instruction” that had served as my ‘spiritual foundation.’  So when I felt all was lost; when I felt so lost, I turned to the only place I knew – to the Lutheran church – although I had never been in that particular church.  I called the pastor and asked if I could come talk with him, and he graciously invited me to come over.

We talked, I talked, for the better of 45 minutes or so when he asked me, “Why are you so angry?”

“I don’t know,” I answered in frustration, “and that pisses me off.  I am not an angry man!”  And yet, I was…

He then suggested I contact a fellow he had used in the past to refer folks to – a shrink who specialized in chemical addiction.  I came home and gave the guy a call; and was able to get an appointment.  Then to celebrate the fact that I was doing something positive for myself, I decided to have a beer!  And I got very drunk that night… but I felt good – I was doing something positive about my drinking!

Was I “nuts?”  You have to ask?

 

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“Que Est Non Pilatus, Est Non Faex”

This expression, “Que Est Non Pilatus Est Non Faex,” loosely translated, was said to mean: “If you ain’t a pilot, you ain’t shit.”  It used to hang on a sign that spanned the entrances between the 8th Flying Training Squadron (FTS) and 25th FTS at Vance AFB, OK in the mid-to-late 70s.

The note underneath it reads, “And you’d better believe it.”

I chuckled when I first saw it, and always knew it was there, but didn’t really think much more about it.  It was just there.

I had the opportunity to visit Vance in 2005 or so, and the sign is now gone.  Imagine that!  Probably offended some shoeclerk!  Or some “PC” careerist on his way up may have had it removed… who knows?  It was just gone.

While I terribly miss the camaraderie of the Air Force, I sure as hell don’t miss the direction it is heading…

(If you ‘google’ the above expression, you won’t find anything.  This shouldn’t come as a surprise as it was probably written by a pilot!  LOL!)

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“And So, How Do You Think I Like My Coffee?”

Sitting in the cockpit of a DC-9 one morning, just as passengers were about to board.  The Lead Flight Attendant, an attractive woman in her late 30s, sticks her head in and asks, “Would you guys care for anything to drink?”

The Captain, a well-known egotistical jerk, replies boldly, “Yeah, I’ll have a cup of coffee!”

“And how would you like your coffee?” she asked.

“Like my women!” he replies.  After taking the copilot’s order, she turns and heads into the galley.  I had heard this reply so often before.  It’s typically a ‘set up’ for, “Hot, and black,” but she didn’t bite.

When she returns the Captain asks, “And so, how do you think I like my women?”  And he looks at her with a smug look on his face.

To which she replies, “Oh, that’s simple… stupid, with big tits!”

The Captain, now totally deflated, turns and stares out his side window for the better part of 5 minutes…

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“I Still Have that Map, Sir”

In the mid-80s I was the Chief of Check Section in the 560th FTS.  It was our job to give check rides to students as a quality control measure.  For the most part they were all fairly straight forward, but on occasion…

One nice, sunny afternoon this ‘kid’ shows up for his Nav (Navigation) check.  This check was the usually last ride in the T-38 PIT program and was typically conducted as an ‘out-and-back.’  I had seen this kid around the squadron and he always impressed me with his smile and positive attitude.  He was always ‘upbeat.’  Refreshing.  So we brief and off we go.

As a check pilot, I’m flying in the front seat, and am in the role of a student.  It’s the kid’s job to teach me how to fly on a cross-country/navigation ride.  Our profile this day included a mid-level altitude (15,000 feet) ride to Barksdale AFB, LA, followed by a low-level (500 feet) mission on the way home.  The ride to Barksdale was uneventful.

Upon arrival at Barksdale ‘the kid’ briefed me on the low-level we were going to fly on the way back to Randolph.  He gave an excellent brief, and his map preparation was outstanding.  There was just one little problem: the route ended at the ‘target,’ which was at the edge of his maps.  (He had prepared one for me also).  I didn’t say anything; I’m a ‘student,’ right?  So, when he asked if I had any questions, I replied none that I could think of, and he went off to get something to drink.  I, in turn, plotted a rough route from the target to Randolph, and looked up the appropriate frequencies.  Soon we were on our way.

His instruction and performance on the low-level was outstanding; until we got to the target.  We hit the target on time, at 360 knots, then I asked “What next, Sir?”  I was looking in the mirrors, and I could swear I saw his eyes ‘cage’ straight ahead, and two ‘off flags’ drop in view!

Now we weren’t quite ‘legal.’  We were at 500 feet and about 360 knots or so.  We may have been “temporarily disoriented” (lost) but we were making good time!  I could almost feel his heart sink…  If I took control of the aircraft, it would have been “out of my hands;” he would have failed the ride – by the Regs.  But I decided to see what he was made of.  I chimed in, “Sir, my ‘other IP’ told me if I was ever lost on a low-level, I should climb so I could see more,” and up we went!  The ensuing climb also allowed us to dissipate our airspeed back within the legal limit.

With ‘minimal prodding’ we soon picked up Austin, then I-35 – and South we went.  The subsequent recovery into Randolph was uneventful.

I had a “crew-duty” issue I was dealing with, and had to (physically) get out of the squadron.  So I told the kid to grab his grade book and a grade sheet, and meet me at “Mr. B’s” (the cafeteria across the parking lot).  Being told to grab your grade book, along with a grade sheet was not usually a good thing.

When he came into Mr. B’s, he was a bit ‘down.’  He knew ‘he was toast.’  However, I sat back, and asked him what he had learned from the experience.  I was impressed with his demeanor, and maturity.  So, I told him, “Son, if you take this map back to your home base, and put it under the plexiglass on your desk, I’ll pass you on this ride.”  His eyes lit up, and he said, “No problem, Sir!”  I went on to tell him if any of his students ever asked him about the map, he was to tell them if was just a simple reminder how fast things can ‘go to Hell’ in flying…

I gave him a “Good” on the ride, and sent him on his way.  Legally, and ‘by all rights,’ I could have, I should have failed him on the ride.  But I certainly wasn’t going to say anything about it; and I doubted if he was.  And besides, what was the ‘corrective action?”  Give him two review rides, and have him turn in a new map?

About 18 months later I was at Columbus AFB, MS on a staff assistance visit to the T-38 squadron when I felt a tugging on my flight suit.  I looked around, and there was ‘the kid’; only I had forgotten all about him.  He told me, “Sir, I have something to show you.”  So, with him in the lead, off we went – to his flight room.

We walked over to his desk, and there it was; that damned map!

“Sir,” his face beaming, “I still have the map, Sir,” he said.  Incredible.

(Now, some 26 years later….the rest of the story.)

The 560th FTS holds a Dining In (formal dinner) for the North Vietnamese POWs every year.  That’s one function I make an effort to attend every year.    Two years ago I saw ‘this guy.’   I thought I knew him; but I didn’t know where from.  That happens.  But I knew I knew him…  Then, this year (2011) I saw him again.  “Who is that guy?” I asked myself…

During the honored guest’s speech, this guy’s name was mentioned, and the “light came on!”  It was ‘the Kid!’  Damn!  I couldn’t wait until the speech was over.

When the Mess was dismissed, I walked over and asked the colonel now standing there if he was indeed “the Kid.”  (Actually, I used his name.)  He looked at me for a moment, running my face through his memory bank, then came to attention, and saluted.

“Col. Holliker,” he said, “how good it is to see you!”  I was somewhat ‘uncomfortable;’ it is not often a junior raking officer is saluted by a senior officer – whether on active duty, or retired.  And the conversation began.

As we got caught up with each other, I couldn’t help but feel a great sense of pride in him.  He had gone on to have a great career flying F-16s.  I was just mesmerized with him…  as our conversation came to an end, he said, “You know Sir, I still have that damned map – somewhere!”  And we both had a good laugh over it.

I never harbored any doubts about “my call” that day; nary a one.  And seeing “the Kid” that evening bolstered my conviction evermore…

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Jake

I have a dog, Jake.  He is an English Springer Spaniel.  I love my dog…

Folks occasionally ask how he came by his name.  I didn’t come up with the idea; I took it from another dog – another English Springer – named Jake.

Sue and I arrived at McGuire AFB in July 1971 for my first assignment as an aviator.  I was assigned to the 18th Military Airlift Squadron (MAS), flying C-141As.  As it turned out, we arrived within a couple weeks of John and Glenda.

John and Glenda were classmates of ours from UPT.  John and I were also paired in C-141 training at Altus AFB, OK.  Shortly after we arrived at McGuire, John and Glenda bought an English Springer Spaniel, Jake.  We also had a dog at the time, Shawn – an Irish Setter.

Occasionally Sue and I would get together with John and Glenda to play cards, and drink beer.  One night when we were playing euchre, and drinking beer, Jake pissed off John.  To punish him, John sent Jake to sit in the corner.  If you have never seen a dog sit in the corner, with slumped shoulders, it’s hilarious!  I could hardly contain myself from laughing.  It got to the point to where I couldn’t even look at that pathetic dog, sitting and staring at the corner!

It wasn’t long before John caught Jake ‘eyeballing’ the area.  “Jake!” John shouted in his booming voice.  And Jake turned his head back to face the corner.  Just as I looked over, Jake turned his head sideways, threw up, then put his head back into the corner.  I lost it, and damned near fell off my chair laughing so hard!  By then, John felt Jake had served his time, and let him out of detention.

The next ‘incident’ that comes to mind was on New Year’s eve.  John and Glenda held a party at their house.  Just after midnight, John went outside to give Jake a kiss.  Yep, we were drinking beer again.  I will never forget the dejected look on John’s face when he came back in the house, with the most dejected look on his face – Jake had scratched him!  Apparently, when John stuck his head in Jake’s dog house, he startled him – and got scratched.  John was so distraught…

Jake had such a ‘personality,’ and I have never forgotten him.  So, when I retired from the airlines, and could have a dog, I knew exactly what I was going to get, and what I was going to name him:  Jake:

I love my dog…

 

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Resonating…

This has been resonating in my mind since May (2012).  I know there I ‘nothing’ I can do about it; I get it.  But it still pisses me off!

My two grand daughters came to Ohio to visit their father and his family last July (2012).  Part of the my daughter’s divorce decree is that their father gets the girls for 5 week a year.  This has settled into them coming to Ohio, from Colorado, each summer.  Years past we have always been able to see them for at least a couple days while they were here.  Not this year.

For whatever reason the girls were prohibited from visiting our family this year.  I think they were here for 4-5 weeks(?).  I ‘think’ they had a good time… wouldn’t know.

While they were here my son had a birthday party for his 2 sons, the girls’ cousins.  They were prohibited from attending.

I am not writing this morning not to “judge” the actions of the girls’ father; I am writing to express my concern that they are being taught a ‘culture of hatred’ – by their father.  If it materializes – this culture of hatred – it certainly will not come from our family!

Maybe someday the girls will know what their grandfather actually thought about the whole deal – it sucks canal water!  But it is, what it is…

I came across a neat prayer, here in sobriety.  It helps me to keep from building resentments.  So, rather than “hate” their father, I offer this prayer for him:

“God, please see to it that that son-of-a-bitch gets what he deserves… Thank you.”

And with this, I’m heading out to the shop!  I feel “mo-better” now…

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